Not Sioux City

I had been so busy trying to wake myself from a nightmare that the time we were together felt like a dream come true. A dream I had let go 18  fucking years ago.

Yet, because I still love you because you are important to me,  I let you in and told you my secrets, only I watched you walk away like you did all those years ago. I am not Sioux City, but I was “the one”

The one you pulled in only to push me away after I exposed my heart. You, like most want me, but only if we can run away and pretend the real world doesn’t exist.

I was distracted by my trip, able to let you and my real life out of my head, and enjoyed myself, reconfirmed my lot in life.

As I came back to reality, you didn’t even ask if I made it home okay, you shut me out just like before. My heart will not go back into the cage, but it is bruised and its my only fault because I am too trusting and see the good in everyone.

Today, my heart is heavy because the reality is that it was just a dream and I wanted to believe it was more.

2 thoughts on “Not Sioux City

  1. He doesn’t deserve the beautiful soul that is you Shea. If he walked away from you…a gorgeous woman inside and out then that says a lot him as a man. If he cannot see the beautiful soul you are and he can bare to be away from you for one minute let alone one year…then he is blind…I am sorry but it’s time to close that book and burn it. You deserve a man who worships and loves you the way you love Shea.

    1. Thank you, Danielle. Him leaving for work was not the issue, but not wanting the same type of commitment and the rules to our communication is/was. I want someone that will communicate regularly and doesn’t leave me in limbo. I want to be able to walk through all parts of life and share all the experiences both good and bad together. I also want someone who isn’t afraid of the possibility of commitment. I have never burned a bridge and will not burn this one. There is a purpose to this reunion, just not sure I understand it.

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