I took twenty minutes yesterday at lunch to sit in my sort of empty studio.
Oh lord, I have missed this space!
I struggled when I first gave up my downtown studio space, but over the years I have created spaces in my home to work and store art pieces. Recently, I have had to crate and boxed up my supplies, projects, and books stacked them on and around my desk. All pushed against the easel wall.
Truthfully, thought I could survive construction, but it’s all kind of getting to me. I have been feeling the lack of order for a couple of weeks, yet this week it has hit me the hardest.
This not having a set place to paint and write. One where I can create and leave my mess until I can come back to it.
Maybe it’s the lack of mid-day re-set. The hour I took before my boys went on summer vacation and before construction started. That time of day where I could stare at the canvas, the note-book, and/or the garden – quite creative listening.
It might be different if there wasn’t some sort of improved in every room of my house but there is which I am in creditably grateful to have the ability to make these improvements. However, it is wearing on my creative soul.
I tried to paint in the garage, but now it’s to sticky out and well the tools and supplies of the remodel have slowly taken over and it pulls out of my zone.
I have attempted a few spots out and about to sketch and work, but it’s not the same. For me art is not just about the production is the process the movement that runs through my entire body and sometimes when there is the possibility of an audience, that freedom is stifled.
While I sat on the wood floor, staring at the plywood on the south wall where there was once a window. I look the left out the broken east window and envision the glass doors that will soon be there letting in all the east sun. I can see the shelving. The unpacked brushes and books all able to breathe. I can see where the tracking lighting will go and the sink where I will clean my brushes.
I see the improved wall easel and the future creative moments, with new fresh energy. All these things I have envisioned while I saved and sacrificed for will be worth it.
And in the meantime, I need to find a place to let loose and make some art.
Art keeps me balanced and without it is like a part of me is missing.
I am an artist in limbo.